He's not gonna make it.

My grandpa is slowly dying and there's nothing we can do about it.

We watch as his organs shut down and his body functions begin to disintegrate and he drowns in his own body fluid because we can't stop it from filling his lungs.

They say the morphine blocks out the pain of drowning, the pain of hunger, the pain of thirst, but there's no real way to tell, is there? Unless they really give him too much and guarantee that there's a lack of pain.

I'm still just a kid to them. I'm still just little old Katie, too young to understand the gravity of the situation. Here I am, just little old Katie, sitting in a chair, wondering in a clueless, innocent fashion what is going on.

Uncle Ron takes over. Uncle Ron knows what's best. He assumes the authoritative position and decides everything. He assumes we agree with what he says. He doesn't even bother to assume if I agree, though, because my opinion doesn't matter anyway. I'm just a kid. I don't know what's going on.

We are ALL going through a hard time. We all know how important and influential Grandpa was. We all have our own special connections with him. We all have a voice in how this should be handled. We all know that Grandpa is going to die. And we all know that we all have to watch. Why should it matter who the fucking LEADER is?

I am seventeen years old. I am six months away from being eighteen. I know that that's still young, but I will not be categorized as one of "the kids" and just thrown into whatever position is open. I refuse. And I don't give a flying fuck what Uncle Ron thinks about it.

I love my grandpa. I love him so much. He created this family. He made it into what it is. He kept us all together. He kept the peace.

I'm probably just overreacting and taking all this out on my uncle because I'm having a hard time dealing with all this, but I was never looked at as being more than a kid, even before this happened. And now, no matter how much effort I spend trying to take care of everyone else, trying to assure that everyone else is okay, trying to make sure everyone has what they need, I'm still going to be another kid, another dependent, another one to be pushed to the side with a lack of knowledge, a lack of understanding, a lack of importance.

I'm not important to this family.